It’s been a while! Nearing the end of the year now and my last entry was back in August. I have graduated! A lot has happened this past year, good, the bad and the ugly but I am so grateful that I am still here breathing and well.
Do you just feel like sometimes you just don’t know what you want to do? Future career? And do you see sometimes at your age there are people at different stages in their lives? At 24, there are some friends with stable jobs, some engaged, some married and some even with a baby. I stopped comparing myself and chasing because to be honest, life isn’t a race and everyone was put on earth to accomplish things at the right time when the time comes. However, societal expectations can take a toll on you. Living within my environment and community, working and settling down HAS to be the next step. Family and friends will always start the conversation by asking “Hey, how are you?” “so working already?” Or “when are you getting married” or “not thinking of marriage?” without fail, it will always be brought up at almost all social events. For someone who has social anxiety I try and avoid even going to social events because I always feel I have something to prove in order to meet expectations. Always racing to see who gets to the top. Another thing I have learned these last couple of months is expectations.
High expectations of something can really interrupt with your happiness; this includes friendships and relationships. It has been such a challenging start of the year, with losing friends, finding out my grandmother has cancer and just the thought of starting to be a full on adult. I have days when I just do not want to get up. On days I feel this way. I think about people who are facing more hardships and that is when I feel grateful for what I have. Not comparing to people who have more.
LOVE. Four letters that are little but means so much. Expectations for love can take a toll in ways you can never imagine. Another thing I learnt was, it is okay to care and love someone but not have it reciprocated. Again, implying to friendships and close relationships. I read somewhere and it goes something like this “love doesn’t get tired but pain makes us weak”. For someone who gave up on finding this love, I felt pain when I gave it. That was when I knew it was love because it was too painful to be anything else.
Ok, tbh I don’t know what was the point for this entry but I somehow needed to get it off my chest.
sprinkles & glitter,
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